Friday, January 17, 2014

Sunrise Reunions

I awoke to the sound of waves on the shore around 6:00. My first thought was that I should work out. Then I realized I had overslept and working out was not an option. The Artist was dropping off her husband around 5:30 or so in the morning and after that she would be headed toward me. I was terribly worried that I was already late.

So, coffee, into the shower, out of the shower, gulp coffee, into my favorite late summer/early fall dress, sandals, sweet merciful goddess, sandals, and out the door.

The plan was to meet in the lobby at some point after she had dropped of her husband, with her mother possibly joining us for breakfast. In the lobby was a Starbucks so I got an extra-large coffeehaving gotten slightly less sleep than I was used toand did a bit of work while I waited.

I noticed two things at once. The first was that I could not for some reason get a network signal for my phone in the lobby, the second was that I could at least get my computer online. For some reason my rather shiny and new travel computer had been very cantankerous about what it felt was an appropriately strong WiFi signal, often leaving me without a connection, which annoyed me.

As it was, the latter proved to be a good thing, as just when I was starting to worry around 6:45 my email pinged with a voice-mail message I could not check; however, I could get it online. My dear sweet woman was stuck beyond the gates, as apparently I had not put her on my security approved checklist.

Well, that would have to be fixed. I tried to call her, but realized I could not, so I ran over to the counter, asked that she be put on the list, and then asked to use the phone to call her.

“We got in…” she answered. I tried to explain what had happened, but she begged off, so I went back to my coffee and waited.

The sun was rising over the ocean when she walked into the lobby; she looked just a little frazzled, but was still beautiful and watching the sun rise as she walked toward me was certainly worth it. I smiled and stood up.

“You would not believe my mother, I was arguing with her which is why I hung up,” she said as she sat down.

“I understand. I thought she was going to join us.”

“No. Apparently I said something last night and all of the sudden driving over here she is all ‘Is this a sex thing?’ which is, of course, a question she does not want the answer to, and I’m trying to be like, ‘Sara is just a very cool person and I think you’d like her’ but she is having none of it.”

I just smiled.

“Indeed.”

“’Is this a sex thing?’” she repeated again, exasperated, frustrated.

“Well….” There were a lot of things I wanted to say but mostly all I managed to do was smile, because she was here and finally we were together again. It felt like lifetimes has passed, though really it had only been a few months. The space between us had been dragging and dragging on me, the open disconnect between this life and my last life, the life I still missed that I no longer had, the friends I still missed that no longer talk to me, the people I still thought about that no longer had time for me. From my last life to this, only a small few of my connections had remained intact. It was partially my problem for both trying to save the bridge from burning while I was losing my own mind, and while I was losing my mind I was watching the bridge burn.

The reality was I knew I wasn’t well when I was leaving Korea, and it had taken about six months of rather intense therapy to get me back to the middle. I felt better now, more capable of handling things and more aware. If I were in the same place I had been months ago, watching her walk in with the sun rising behind her would have had me on the floor in tears. That was not a problem I had, but I could still feel the longing of all I had left behind and wanted to connect to it again while trying to remember always the future, the future, the future. The past had a way of overwhelming my future sometimes, and if I was not careful I could lose myself in all of that.

On this morning, as we sat and chatted with waves hitting the shore out the window, making decisions about what we wanted to do, the past was where it belonged, and here we were just ourselves, with our stories to tell of the six months we had been apart, with our plans for how we would meet next, with our desires for each other and our amusement over being together in this place, this now.

We chatted for a few more minutes before deciding it was time to get food, after first dropping off some bags in our room so that they need not be dragged all over the hotel. I grabbed her bag for hernot wanting her to carry anything at alland we walked the long but pretty trek to where we were staying.




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