Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Deep Thoughts Over Food

Feast was the plan for dinner and the food was good. Even though it was a part of restaurant week I found myself eating what the Australian girl sitting next to me was eating. I had asked her “How are the mussels?” and when she replied I recognized that accent straight away.

We struck up a conversation about how the winter in Chicago had been wild. We talked about life and travel, and how our jobs kept us on the road. She reminded me of the Australian, who I had not heard from in years, but who sometimes still haunted my dreams.

It was strange, when I thought about Korea, about how I missed it. I had so many friends, so many loves, so many losses there. Over the years I was used to two-year friendships that were so deep and binding I would not want to imagine what it would be like when they were over, and yet, at the same time I always knew they would be over. But then, all friendships were their own amount of pain. My endings were less finite than most others, as I was always happy to see those people I care about again, even when there was still a desperate hurt that goes along with it.

There was a time when it was easy to meet people. Then hard again. Then easy. It seemed lately I was doing better at meeting people in Chicago than I had previously managed, but meeting people was still slow going. Small friendships here and there. I kept trying.

I exchanged cards with the Aussie sitting next to me. I enjoyed the mussels and played with my camera. I thought about the band that I wanted to see. I thought about my past and my future, of all the mussels I ate in Korea with the Artist, with the Irish watching, with myself alone. My brain was spinning on thinking, so I drank more wine and tried to think about music instead. The future, the future, the future. It was something I had to force upon myself sometimes so that I didn't get lost in the past.

No comments: