Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Not Eating, Eating, Going Out Alone

The end of February was a bleak and cold nightmare and I was finding it hard to dig my way out of just how much of a bleak and cold nightmare it was. Fortunately for me, I had all of March to look forward to, and spring in Chicago.

Surely spring would be awesome.

The first weekend of March I decided to go to a Mardi Gras, because that seemed like it would be a reasonably fun thing to do. Then it came to my attention that the same weekend of Mardi Gras was also going to be the weekend of Chiditarod, and I thought, “Why not? Two birds.” With that I rented a room in Chicago for the weekend and decided that I would take myself out for a good time and enjoy it.

Probably didn’t help that I also chose the last week of February not to eat. Mostly this was just self-punishment that perpetuated the depression I was generally feeling anyway, so it was not really the best call on my part. None the less, going into Friday I had not eaten in a while and was looking forward to breaking my fast with dinner.

I chose a little Italian place for the fast ending, mostly because it had mussels on the menu, and that seemed like a good enough reason to go. I still missed my favorite Korean places, but I figured this would at least give me a start on some food.

“What would you like?”

“I’m going to have two appetizers, but one to start and one as my main.”

I admit, I liked talking like this. I liked knowing what I want and how I wanted it. I liked the fact that two little things would fill me up as well as any big things, especially since I hadn’t eaten all day. I was wearing a long skirt that swirled down over my knees and fell just above my boots, with a cropped fuchsia blouse that showed more flesh than I was used to showing, but at the same felt good in. If it weren’t for the heavy coat I'd made a few years ago and found in the closet I would have frozen through this winter, but as it stood I was bundled up well enough outdoors to be okay with it. I wanted to be pretty, and I hadn’t been out by myself in Chicago in a long time. I decided to have dinner and then go to a goth club, and my outfit had been planned to be somehow in-between both of those things.

The menu at little Italian place was good, and while the place was quiet when I walked in, it didn’t stay that way. Before long I was feeling the press of people as I enjoyed my wine and food and finally decided to go see if the Chicago bar scene would be more interesting. One thing I realized was that I would need cash, and at the first place I stopped into there was an ATM. The bartender poured me a strong drink and said there would be a drag show in about twenty minutes. Twenty minutes later I was one drink down and annoyed that not only was the bar still empty but there was no drag show to be seen. I figured I’d have more of a chance to potentially meet and talk to people at the goth club, so I packed up my book and headed out into the lightly falling snow.

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