Saturday, November 06, 2004


Breasts have got to be one of the best things about being a girl. Men, as lovely as they can oftentimes be, cannot truly appreciate the wonder of the female breasts. Nipples, nice as they are, and universal as they come, do not compare to the total wonder of the breast as a whole. Regardless of size, color, shape, firmness, or naturalness, the breast is a fascinating thing. 

One must understand that the breast of each woman is entirely unique. To say that like a snowflake "there are no two alike" might sound silly, but it is actually true. In reality, unless they have been surgically altered, breasts are not usually identical. Generally there can be anywhere from a minor difference to an extreme difference between the two breasts of any single woman. Really, the can be different.

Difference can range from the aureole, the coloring around a woman's nipple, to the actual texture of the breast, whether it is lumpy or smooth. To gauge these things I recommend studying a pair of breasts quite closely. Start farther away and actually look at the breasts. You may have always thought they were identical, but as you actually start to look you will be begin to see some minor differences.

Have your lovely assistant at the ready, or if you are experimenting with this on your own a mirror handy, and ask them to stand with their feet flat on the ground. Stand in a comfortable position, naturally, and allow the breasts to fall where they will. Begin by taking note of the obvious things that will be different. Look at the hang of the breasts. Unlike what Playboy might lead you to believe, breasts do not always hang evenly on the chest. One may be a bit lower then the other, one could be perkier while the other sags. Occasionally a breast will hang more to the left or right then it's partner; take note of which breast seems to be different, as this will be useful for further study later.

As with the penis not every breast is the same size or shape. Breasts come in a number of different sizes that are usually donated by cup size which can very from A to the ever popular DD and occasionally larger (although perhaps not comfortably larger). As some women will even tell you, from one breast to the other you can have a cup size variation, making shopping for bras a real pain the brassiere. The sizes will very from woman to woman, and nothing can predict what size breasts a girl will end up with. Perhaps you can recall a girl named Punky Brewster (real name Soleil Moon Frye) who was cursed with gigantomastia and had to have reduction surgery to make her set more manageable. In the end it is puberty and genes that will determine the size and shape of your breasts and there is no use trying to rush it if you are waiting. It will happen if it is going to happen, be patient.

The shape of breasts is also different from woman to woman. As with the penis which can very in shape from very straight to curved to tied in a knot (fairly rare), so does the breast have several variation for shape. Perhaps the most common and often the aesthetic ideal is the slightly rounded upper slope the works towards a point at the nipple, a general sort of cone shape with the nipple on top. Some breasts can be shaped like a J Starting with a gentle slope and then suddenly curving outwards. Some are like arrows very pointy and sharp, whereas other can be just round soft cushiony pillows that just beg to be laid upon. Never assume you know the shape of the breast, as bras are made to conform all breasts into what is considered a "natural" shape, generally fairly round and constrained. Once they are loose and free you will really begin to see what you have found. And now, onto some of the other fun aspects of a precocious pair. 

Notice the aureole. Perhaps the left is darker then the right. The coloring of the nipples is very rarely perfectly even and this may be the first thing you will notice as being different between the breasts. Some women tend to have very large aureole, others tend towards a smaller, and occasionally the coloring may be impossible to see from a distance, looking more like a man's nipple. Women with lighter skin can often times have very dark nipples, which my surprise many. The same is true of women with dark skin, it is hard to say what color the surrounding aureole will be until you just take of the bra and have a peak.

At this point, we come to one of the most interesting parts of the breast, which is something that men and women share. The nipples. Nipples, like the aureole, can also come in different shapes, colors and sizes and can vary from one breast to the other on the same women. But before you take a dive in for a closer look at those nipples let us discuss them in a little detail, as there may be some things you didn't know

Firstly, not all nipples harden immediately upon exposure. Women's nipples don't just automatically harden up and stand at attention for everything. I've met some girls who can come in out of the cold and have perfectly relaxed and tranquil nipples that will just fold easily into the breasts, leaving little more then a small crease. Other women have very sensitive breasts that will stand at attention all the time simply for the rub of the fabric. Sometimes the one nipple will be hard and the other soft, there are always differences.

The nipple is not the only part of the breast that will harden with excitement. In fact the entire aureole in some women will harden and fill with blood just as the penis. For men, arousal causes blood to head the penis, in women the blood flows to the breasts. If you have ever thought that during sex your girlfriend's breasts were actually bigger, you weren't hallucinating, they probably were. As women become excited the breasts fill with blood and expand, just as the penis does, making them more sensitive and causing a greater sense of arousal in women, as is also true of men upon seeing a lovely pair.

Size however, is not the topic at hand, as we are talking about the special erectile tissue around the nipple. Look at the nipples as the harden, and notice the hardening that also occurs around the aureole, you can actually watch as the area pricks and puckers up, becoming more sensitive to touch and stimulation. Now step back and examine again and you will notice that the erection of the nipples is also not identical between the two breasts. One nipple can be longer, firmer, and harder then the other when erect. In a sense, it's like having two penises of different size attached to the same body, and both want to do their own thing. It can be as fun as it is frustrating.

Now look at those nipples, and really, look with your eyes, which means put your hands down for a second, okay? Notice the shape of the nipple. The shape of a nipple is a wonderful magical thing, and again, differs from woman to woman, and occasionally from breast to breasts. Some nipples will be boxy and square and stand out a great distance from the breast. Some are very small when erect, presenting little pink pinpoints against a milky white expanse. Some are rounder, some shallow, and occasionally you can even have the inverted nipple which will not poke outwards at all, but like a innie belly-button, goes inward.

The colors of the nipple will also very, it can be the same as the surrounding aureole, or it can be darker or lighter, it really just depends on the breasts. You can have more coloring towards the bottom of the nipple and more of a faded whiteness towards the tip, or vice versa. It all depends on the breast and can easily be different between any two. In general, as with breast size the actual color of the nipples cannot be determined until you actually see them. Don't assume just because she is a fair haired blonde that she will have soft pink aureoles with light pointy pink nipples. Rather let yourself be in for a surprise. 

For your patience, is a reward, now you can pick up your hands and actually touch them. Don't grab, don't pull, and don't act like your handling grapefruits, as you would not want someone to manhandle your dick that way. Start first with one hand and gently cup and lift one breast and then the other. Notice the weight of the set in your hands. As with everything else the weight of the breast can vary between the set as it will between different women.

Actually the weight of breasts can shift depending on the time of month and the amount of arousal. Again, the filling of the breasts with blood will change the wait, as will a women's overall monthly cycle. The cycle of a woman will create several shifts in the breast. A woman who pays careful attention to her breasts can actually anticipate her point of highest fertility with a fair amount of accuracy, as the breast will become slightly larger, more sensitive to environmental conditions and often times darker when a woman is at her height for conception. This can be a handy thing to know if you would prefer to spend more time not being pregnant. Generally if you know your most "normal" time you can use that to compare difference in your breasts during the month that will hint at the other functions of your body.

Aside from weight, notice the texture of the breasts. This can also be different. One breast can be lumpier and feel more like dough with raisins in it, while the other may be smoother in texture, with less of a lumpy feel. Regardless of the many things you may thing you know, a woman's breast is lumpy. It all those lymph nodes and glands in there that create these natural and safe lumps. A bad lump is one that feels more like a rock or pebble, something hard that has no give, if you feel anything like that, go to a doctor A.S.A.P as that is generally a sign of something bad.

The texture, the weight, the size, the shape, the color, these are all things that make breasts pleasant interesting and fun to be around. As for handling these lovely things, well, again, that too can very from woman to woman and takes a certain amount of patience and attention on the part of the attendee to get it right.

A good rule of thumb here is again the penis analogy. If you wouldn't do it there, I don't recommend doing it to a breast. Biting with the teeth may seem like a good idea, but unless you know that is what a girl likes, you might want to start soft and see where it goes. For handling, I don't recommend squeezing or rotating the nipples like radio dials, as this can be painful, leave bruises, and frequently is just downright unappealing. The light touch, gentle kissing, sucking, rubbing, with a bit of experimentation and an awareness to the reaction it produces, are good starting points that can lead to great things.

However, again, keep in mind that as with all penises, not all breast are equally sensitive or identically reactive to the same thing. The gentle squeeze, followed by a quick pull outwards, and then pressing inwards that will drive one woman to orgasm my cause another to turn on the lights and ask you to leave. A quick flick of the tongue followed by a nip of your teeth might seem divine to your first girlfriend, but could leave your next cold. Listen to the breasts, let them show you and tell you what they want, let them be your guide and don't try to draw a map of uniformity onto them. In the end it will be a better experience all around.

For the finale let me introduce you to yet one more interesting and fascinating aspect of the breasts. Like the clitoris proper handling of the breast as a whole can be enough to bring a woman to an orgasm. In most women this can be a difficult, and sometimes, impossible task, as many women are actually uncomfortable with their own breasts. The trick to this is really allowing yourself to relax and enjoying the pleasure that your breast can give you.

Again, care and attention must be paid to where the breast is the most sensitive. It is not always the nipple that is the best area to stimulate, again, the erectile tissue encompasses the nipple and areole, and sometimes a bit further outward. Experiment with the entire area until you find just the right spot to give attention too. Try pressing gently with your fingers and tongue, sucking, and rubbing all the areas around the nipple and work outward until you hit upon what I like to think of as the allusive b-sport. It may take some time, but it is worth the effort and hard work.

So remember the next time you see what you might like to refer to as the perfect rack, that breasts really are strange and unique things that deserve more appreciation then just a mere ogle or manhandling. The need to be appreciated, respected and loved as something wonderfully given to girls that deserve attention, care, and repeated visitation, until all nooks, crannies, and avenues are fully explored. Everyone is different, so allow your natural curiosity and fascination flow, and your cups will run over with new found respect.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

10 Steps to Caring Dominance

It seems to me there are a lot of questions about what to do when you're on top. The "do nots" abound anywhere you look. Don't do this, don't do that, be careful about this. Of course, any advice is good advice, but if you are the person who is in charge, what should you do, if anything, to satisfy both yourself and your slave.

So, to shed some light, or at least to shed my little bit of light, here are 10 things you might want to consider if you're a top. I've put these in no particular order, as they are all equally important.

1. Understand your relationship with your submissive.

Is this a lifestyle relationship? Is it a bedroom relationship? Believe me, they are very different things, and you need to know the difference if you want to be a good Dom/me.

To clarify let's define lifestyle relationship as one in which the roles of Master/Mistress and Servant permeate all parts of your life and relationship together. A bedroom relationship is one in which the roles of Master/Mistress and Servant only become apparent behind closed doors, when the lights are off, after the kids have gone to sleep, or when your naked and intend to maybe have some kinds of sexual relations.

To me the difference between the two should be obvious, but it's not always easy. Don't assume that if you practice dominance in bed that your partner wants to live the lifestyle 24/7, and vice versa. Talk to your partner and be sure you understand what they believe your relationship to be. It is important and it might not always be clear. If you've never discussed it, you don't know. If you want to have a good relationship, find out. In general, when partners are confused about the roles that dominance and submission play in their lives and relationships it won't be long before that relationship comes crashing to a close.

2. Discover your submissives needs.

The submissive partner in a relationship is putting a lot of control, power and authority in your hands. However, do you know what they intend for you to do with that power? Did you talk about it before you began to play? Is your partner truly comfortable with all the things you might want to do with them? When you start asking the questions, you might find that the answers surprise you.

Submission in and of itself is not a black and white thing. Many Dom/mes make the mistake of believing that a person who submits is interested in pain. That is not always the case. Submission can mean a desire to be absolutely controlled, a need for pain, a need for humiliation, a need for change, a need for attention, a need for certain sexual acts or fetishes, and a desire to simply be fucked silly without the need to ask.

Not all subs are interested in the same things, if you don't ask your sub what they want then you will never know if you are actually satisfying their needs, or if you are satisfying only your own needs. If you want to be a good Dom/me it is very important to understand your subs desires. Nothing will alienate a sub and end a relationship faster than inflicting your private desires on a submissive when it is not something that interests them. Just because you find putting a carrot in ones mouth, then mounting a saddle to their back to be arousing, does not mean your partner will feel that same way. And I can guarantee that if you force your sub to do something they don't want to do, or aren't interested in, it won't be long before it's over.

3. Discover your needs with your submissive.

So you're the Dom/me. You know what you want, and your going to take it.

I'll let you in on a secret; very rarely in a loving Dominant relationship is that ever true. Often the Master/Mistress has a good idea of what they desire to do with the power their sub is giving them, but generally it is unfocused in various different areas of relationship power play. As the Dominant you're in control, but what do you want in your relationship with your sub. Dominance is not just fetish; it means a lot more than that. Why do you want the power? How did you come to be the dominant partner in the relationship? How do you see that role evolving for both yourself and your partner?

It is important for you to determine what it is you desire as the Dom/me. You may have the control, but where do you want that to go. Just because you are in control of someone else's desires and aware of what that means, it does not mean that you can skip having that same awareness with yourself.

Take time and determine what you need to be satisfied.

4. Establish boundaries with your submissive.

Just because you're the Master/Mistress of the house does not mean you're a mind reader. Talk about when to stop, and what's going too far. If you don't discuss it before hand you'll only find out after you've crossed the line, and by then it will be too late.

Your submissive may like talking about being a whore, and being prostituted out to your friends, but that is not the same as saying, "bring your friends over and have them fuck me." Find out where your relationship begins and ends. Establish a comfort zone you can both live and work within in your relationship. Be honest with each other about those things, and you will find your relationship to be healthier and happier, with less confusion.

Essentially establishing boundaries is creating the rules of the game. And that is very important when having a Dominant relationship with another person.

5. Understand the difference between dominance and control.

Frequently in the Dominant scene there is not a distinction made between being dominant and being in control. Essentially, they are the same thing, however in regards to the B/D relationship, there is a difference and it needs to be respected.

Being the Dom/me means you have the authority to do what you will with your submissive. Having control means understanding their desires and needs and limits. If your only in this for the authority and do what you want regardless of your submissive's wishes and desires, than I would argue your not a Dom/me, you're an abuser. Having the dominant role means taking responsibility for your actions and exercising a certain amount of control. If you cannot be in control of yourself, you should not be in control of someone else.

6. Be available to your submissive.

Being a Dom/me does not mean that you can't also be a lover and a friend. A big mistake that many Dom/me's make is to change the nature of the original relationship so much that it is no longer possible for the submissive partner to communicate their needs, fears, desires, mistakes, or personal confessions.

In a relationship you need to be able to talk. The submissive partner needs to have the freedom to do that without fear of reprimand. It's the difference between being a loving caring and thoughtful Dom/me or a manipulative controlling abuser.

A caring Dom/me is concerned and wants to be someone that is available. You are the most important person in your submissive's life, and as such, need to be there for your bottom. If you can't listen with an open mind and heart, or if you always have to judge, or give punishment, your just not available. Don't emotionally divorce yourself from your sub. They are giving themselves over to you, and recognizing your power and authority in the relationship, that means they can trust you. If they can't trust you, then, really, who can they trust?

Be open, be willing, be available. If you can't do that, they will eventually find someone who can be, and you won't find out until it's unalterable.

7. Be willing to accept your bottoms changing needs.

Oftentimes when having a Dominant relationship with another person one tends to forget that there is still a need for change. People change, as we grow, as we grow older, our needs, our desires, our lives change. It is hard to predict from one minute to the next how and why a person might change.

Just because when you began your relationship your sub enjoyed giving head all the time does not mean that this will always be something your sub enjoys. As with any person, your sub will change during the course of your relationship. Regardless of the outside influences that can cause change, the nature or your Master/Mistress/Servant relationship will lead to changes within yourself and your sub. Be willing to accept that your sub will not always be the same person. Be ready to accept your sub for whomever they may eventually become.

8. Allow for personality.

Your the Dom/me in your relationship, and you may have certain expectations from your bottom. This can be particularly true if your relationship is the lifestyle type. However, just becauseyou have certain desires, demands, and wishes, this does not preclude your sub having a personal sense of self. Regardless of how bonded your are to you sub and they to you, it is important that they maintain a some semblance of a personal identity.

In any relationship you start with two people. When one or the other of those people become a complete mimics, or loose all sense of self, the relationship begins to become dull. There is nothing exciting about living with a paper cut out of a person. Particularly if what originally attracted you to your bottom was the person they were. The nature of your relationship may eventually change the person both of your are, however, that should not mean a destruction of one or the other.

Even through the dominance it's still a relationship, and as such, it still takes a lot of work. It also takes two different people. Creating one person makes the relationship monotonous, and will eventually lead to it's doom.

9. Have a sense of humor.

Just because your a Dom/me it doesn't make you a dead, lifeless stern discipline machine. You should be having fun in your relationship be it lifestyle, or bedroom, and you should also be able to occasionally see the humor in that.

If you simply must take yourself seriously all the time, and take the dominant nature of your relationship seriously all the time, then eventually it will wear all the joy out of that relationship, and out of you.

It's okay to laugh, to have fun, to tease, and to be silly. Being dominant does not eradicate laughter from your world. And, to clarify, I don't mean laughing at your slave. If you can't occasionally look at what your doing with a sense of humor than your on about the same level as those who claim to know the true nature of "gawth".

Walking around in leather and shoving black butt plugs into the anatomy of the sub you love is just sometimes downright silly. Take a step back and enjoy that, it will bring playfulness into your relationship making it that much easier on yourself, and on your sub.

10. Evolve.

Think about it this way. A typical relationship is about finding a balance of power. In the Dominant/submissive relationship it is pre-determined that there will not be a balance. One partner will have more power than the other in certain areas. However, your relationship will still need to achieve balance if it is going to be serious, committed, and long term. If you don't allow your relationship to evolve and develop into a sharing, and balanced relationship, you will probably not be having that relationship for very long.

A Dominant/submissive relationship does not exclude balance. Balance is not something that will happen immediately though, it takes time, commitment, caring, and understanding, and a willingness to allow for change. If your not willing to evolve in your B/D relationship (or any relationship really) than your just not ready for a relationship at all.

Saturday, February 21, 2004


"Waygookin-ashi," says the elderly Korean lady as she walks past me on the street, going to god knows where, and bent more than double with the gigantic load of dried seaweed that is nearly twice her size.

"Me-gookin-ashi," says a group of Korean schoolboys recently out of one school and one their way to their fourth academy of the evening.

I get into the cab and I might hear the driver mutter either of these under his breath as I tell him were I want to go. Way-goo, Me-gook, they are practically the same thing most of the time.

You have perhaps at sometime in your life heard the word "gook". Perhaps it was in a retrospective of the Vietnam era. More likely it was a red necked next door neighbor talking about some poor Asian family that made the poor choice to move, live, eat, and or breathe in what the red-neck considers to be it's space. Perhaps you were simply looking for something nasty to call someone and that's one came up.

Unlike Japan, which has managed to sneak quite a few words into the English vocabulary, Korea can really only be credited with two additions to our language. Kim-chi, the spicy red-pepper covered fermented vegetable, usually cabbage, is the first. Kim-chi, I will have you know, is a word naming a food that is as different and varied in Korea as snow is for Inuit tribes in North America. At last count there were literally 200 different kinds that I've tried, and a few that I'm a little squeamish to get near. The other language credit that is Korea's claim to fame is the word "gook" as a derogatory word labeling those of Asian descent.

Of course, unlike kim-chi, gook, is rarely associated with Korea, but more often associated with Vietnam, rather unfairly I might add, as Korea really does deserve the credit. The origins of "gook" vary from one source to another, but to understand how it all began one must look at the state of Korea after the second World War.

The Americans forces had occupied South Korea, in much the same way that the Axis forces occupied West Germany and for the same reasons. Korea was a part of Japan at the beginning of the Second World War, and unfortunately for Korea, it was split in half, one half going to the Reds, and the other to the more democracy minded Americans (the island of Japan was allowed to remain whole).

Americans had been in country for a bit before the Korean War, and the origin of the word "gook" took place after the Second World War during the initial American occupation. This occupation allowed numerous soldiers the chance to mingle, in the various different ways that an occupying force will, with the natives of the land. Experiencing varying aspects of the culture, the food, the women, and the language.

As some people know, and less people know than one would suspect, America was involved with the Korean War during the 1950's, before the longest military standoff in history (that being the current state of Korea, which is technically a country at war). After the North invaded south Korea in Way-gone (a city only 20 minutes from where I type this) South Korea called on the help of the American force in a conflict that lasted three years and ended with the armistice treaty that we have today, a 50 year standoff that has not yet ended in a peace treaty.

Now, Koreans, contrary to the many popular myths, are actually a fairly outgoing people, and are at least willing to try to hold down a conversation with you. Truth be told Koreans are perhaps some of the nosiest people in the world, they love to find out anything at all about anyone at all, and they are not deterred in the least by a little thing like a language barrier.

In the language of Korea the country in which I live is called Han-geuk. This ancient name comes from the fabled Choson dynasty period, and translates roughly to "land of the morning calm". The people of Korea are called the "Hangeuksaram". Koreans, as they were exposed and came into contact with varying cultures from varying lands gave those lands different names. China for example is Cho-geuk. Thiland is Te-geuk. Any foreign person in general is usually refered to as a Way-geuk. And by some magically syllabic twist of fate America was dubbed Me-geuk.

Americans stationed in, or visiting, Korea would have had very adventurous Koreans, wandering up to them, and asking "Me-geuk!?" This, of course, would sound slightly familiar and at the same time foreign, but served as an explanation to many Americans. 

"Me gook?!"

"Yes, you gook."

 Of course, the Americans had no way of knowing the Yu-geuk actually meant Europe, so many of our adventurous Korean conversationalists would not have taken too much time to further explore their question, having had it answered. And, as troops rotated and tourists came and went, "gook" was carried out of Korea and used as the definitive label for our "slant eyed" brethren.

Many of the Americans who carried the controversial word "gook" back to the new land, however, may never have heard the mumbled swear under the breath of some frazzled Korean, "ah, Me-gookin-ashi" and so would not have realized that the particular translation of that invective is "fucking American".

For many of us currently living in Korea, waygook, megook, or otherwise, we have accepted as our fate the title of gook. I frequently find myself referring to my status as that of a "Waygook" and life in Korea as being "Waygooky". Foreigners tend to hang out at "Waygook bars" and we like eating "Waygook Foods". We realize the mistake made by our predecessors and we have chosen not to make it again. Although we call ourselves gooks day and night, I've yet to hear any of the other foreigners here refer to our hosts as "gooks".

That little old lady bent double by her load, of course, thinks nothing of referring to me as a "fucking foreigner". Some days, too, I don't give it a second thought. As far as she is concerned most of us "gooks" never learned enough about her people or her language to have any idea what she was saying anyway.

And some days, when I'm feeling sensitive, I hear myself saying right back to her "Han-gookin-ashi". On those days her eyes will gleam as she looks up into mine, and we share a fleeting moment of complete understanding before moving on.