Sunday, January 14, 2007

I drink until I end tonight....

I drink until I end tonight.

Alcohol flows fast and sure. My mind blazes with a thousand thoughts. There is no more reality for me. Only a shot and the end of a night. I see another friend board a bus. So many friends board the bus.

The bus takes them away. They go on, they go to that thing that becomes the construct of home. I have known since I was less then eight that home does not exist. There is no safe place, there is no happiness that can be found in building or rock or ground or person. This does not stop me from seeking it. This does not stop me from wanting it.

Fantasies so close to real that I shake with the possibility and yet I will not succumb to my own foolish desires to be unreal.

There is no paradox here. I spin on the crux of my own reality and remain what I am. Only Sara. Too much to drink. Ending. Beginning.

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