Sunday, August 19, 2007

Power Traveling 101

There is what most people do which could be called traveling. Traveling in and of itself can be a mildly pleasant experience that results in relocating the body from one area to another for visits, times with friends, relaxation, or randomness. While there are those people who travel work most travel for purposes of having some sort of extended stay. Then there is what I do. It’s not traveling. It’s power traveling. To power travel you must take a short amount of time and cram into it as much activity as human possible, as many states, and as much car time you can, without going completely crazy. Oh, you will go crazy, but hopefully you will avoid complete craziness.

Thus during my very short vacation I experienced power traveling. To appropriately power travel I need to visit no less then five states from times ranging in one hour to one day, with no more then five hours in transit at any time. Power traveling. If the time zones don’t kill you the trips to the airport might.

For power traveling it is important to consider the following.

1. Never wear a bra.

Bras are pointless anyway (in my particular case) but wearing a bra to power travel makes no sense. It is best to be as comfortable as possible while traveling between point A and point B. Comfort is a must for the serious power traveler. Plus nipples really make getting through airport security so much easier.

2. Don’t put anything in your pockets ever.

The thing with pockets when you are power traveling is that you might be wearing the same clothes for three days in a row. Putting things in your pockets will invariably result in losing everything important. Instead just put it in your underwear. That way you know where it is and you will limit yourself to only the bare necessities. Which is usually nothing.

3. If you can’t carry it on you, you probably don’t need it.

For the true power traveler you might travel with a suitcase. However the suitcase will live at home base designate during your power traveling. While power traveling you will learn to use a backpack and a tote bag. Anything that can’t go in the back pack or tote bag is unnecessary. You learn to pack really well to power travel. Also, a tote bag can substitute for pockets which is very useful.

4. Always put a dildo/vibrator in your carry-on.

I’m sure some of you out there are thinking to yourself “What the hell? I’m not putting a dildo in my carryon bag on my trip to see my grandparents!” My friends, you would be wrong. I’ve discovered in my last four power travel trips that having a dildo/vibrator in your carry-on is a great time saver. I have watched every time I’ve traveled and stand there as they scan my bag. The scanners eyes will double in size and he calls over a friend. They both look at the X-ray of my bag together and quickly discuss something in hushed whispers. Then they pass my bags through and avoid all eye contact as I jiggle braless into my backpack and head on my merry way.

I believe the conversation goes something like this.

“She appears to have a bottle with liquid that is more then three ounces in size and it is not in the FTA approved clear zip lock bag.”

“Yeah, but she also has a dildo.”

“You go through her bag.”

“I’m not going through her bag, you go through her bag.”

“No, you do it.”

“No, you do it.”

“Screw it, she’s not going to take over the plane with a dildo and a bottle of lube”

For those of you out there considering taking up power traveling I hope you find the above tips extremely useful. Personally even with all the traveling to and fro I found the experience to be for the most part pleasant, exhausting, expensive, and busy as fuckall. However, at least it’s always exciting. I can guarantee that there will be power traveling in my future.

6 comments:

Jill said...

That sounds much more thoroughly researched than my method of just forgetting I have knives, matches and 8 ounce bottles of sunscreen in my purse!

Bohemian in Korea said...

hmmm, not sure the dildo thing would work for me...I don't walk 'that side of the street' what if they took my blank travelers stare for a cum hither strip search look?

Saradevil said...

@Jill

I had airport security pretty much demolish one of my favorite lighters once. Bastards.

@BIK

This is true, but I would be curious to find out of this theory of travel holds up across the genders. Maybe if you got a real manly don't fuck with me dildo with like steel spikes?

total-spender said...

My tips on Power Traveling

1. Take nothing

2. Arrive at first destination with minimal money

3. Spend said minimal money by the time you reach next destination

4. Phone a friend for additional funds

5. Spend additional funds by the time you reach next destination

6. Phone another friend for additional funds but realise it's pointless anyway because you've lost your passport.

The above usually works for me.

Saradevil said...

Ah T-S,

This is why I called it power traveling, not Total Traveling. Total Traveling would be an entirely different ball game, now wouldn't it. Plus, you'd never waste good money on a dildo which costs me the same amount as two bottles of Cambo Bombay!

Robert said...

With the exception of packing a vibrator, I always power travel. I never have check-in. Anyway, I love your blog! Your writing is so refreshing and entertaining!
I have lived and taught in Korea for 8 years now, so it is great to have a fun and intelligent read like your blog that I can relate to (except the women stuff maybe). Thank you for sharing