Sunday, March 02, 2008

No Good Can Come of Three Nipples

It was the going away party that had me out till all hours of the morning. It started with a nice dinner that turned into having a team for quiz night. Considering we did quite well. It was the Geek, The Australian Chickie, The Rastafarian, and myself hanging out at the quiz held by Nipple3 with his boon companion.

All in all we did fairly well, missing the top spot by one point. The top spot being a tied quiz down between two other teams. Third place on this quiz was not so bad. Had it not been for the help of the Geek I'm not sure we would have made it that far. This is why Geeks are an important part of society. And also why I owe one a drink eventually.

After the quiz the party lead by Nipple3 insisted that we continue to roll. Being that it was his last night this is all perfectly understandable and so we rounded in on Crew Bar leaving the Lonely Hearts to themselves, and settled in for a game of pool. Crew had been overrun by a bunch of lawless noobs but we put our names up for pool and hoped for a game sooner rather than later.

Australian Chickie and I worked as partners on the board and managed to win the table fairly quickly but also managed to loose it just as fast when Nipple3 came up to play. That bastard really knows how to handle a stick and balls and regardless of his partners ineptness he was quickly in command of the table. We continued to drink and celebrate both a happy and a sad parting as the night wore on. It was closing on around four a.m. and we were thinking about where to head next or if we had to head out at all.

During the night it had been noticed that there was a piece of what can only be called CrazyPussy (CP) running around. There really is no better way to describe it. This girl was nuts off her rocker and throwing herself at every available man in the place. Poor Nipple3 got held up against the bathroom wall and had to pry her off. It was the exact opposite of a good thing. It was the kind of thing that made you want to grab your underwear and run for the love of God, Country, and waking up still an intact male. This girl was nuts.

As the bar started to clear out it was Nipple3' s party that was left hanging about, the Baron, and CP and a friend who theoretically knew her somewhat. After watching her continue to paw unsuccessfully I thought it my drunken philanthropic heart that I would take her aside mention that she was pretty wasted and that she might want to go home before anything that happened she might regret. Thinking about it now I might have given myself similar advice about talking to this girl, but I was feeling generous and motherly. Goodness knows I've played bar minder on more than one occasion with a fair amount of success and anticipated being successful now.

Instead, I ended up with a CP stalker. She was definitely not leaving and now she was going to get something she wanted. She wanted from what observation could tell me either a fuck or a fight. Since she was not getting the former she was going to through herself wholeheartedly into the latter. I was not that interested in fighting with her at first. At first. Then she started following me around the bar even though I was going out of my way to ignore her. I admit I started it by sticking my nose into it but as soon as I realized that she was full blown CP I retreated quick. Too late, always too late.

Finally as she continued to chase me around the bar I thought I might get some help from the guy who theoretically knew her and the Australian Chickie. Unfortunately as they both tried to help me, CP decided now would be a good time to push the Australian. Could things get any worse than that? Before I could finish my retreat I was back holding down the Australian while the nice guy was trying to hold down CP. Unfortunately that nice guy had pushed CP against the row of stacked bar glasses which she proceeded to pick up and start launching at the heads of myself and the Australian. Now we were in full on brawl mode. Nice guy tried to hold CP against the bar, another body came over to help, and we all wrestled with CP trying to get the last un-smashed beer glass out of her hand. It took four of us prying her hand to get that glass, and then CP went down freaking out.

The freaking out was mildly understandable seeing as how she had just been wrestled down by four different people. Then she started crying which immediately drew sympathy from the Australian who tried to calm down CP by hold her in a sisterly hug. CP responded to this by falling back on the floor.

AND FAKING A SIEZURE.

At first we didn't realize she was faking a seizure but apparently this tactic was part of the game she had set up because as soon as we all stood back swallowing hard lumps in our throats about how we were going to get CP to a hospital she suddenly looked up with crazy eyes jumped up and pushed us all away. We stood between her and the bar to try to prevent more damage. CP at this point realizing she was outnumbered went for backup. The Baron, who at this point was oblivious to everything else that was going on suddenly found himself being dragged around by CP. Being a nice oblivious guy he started trying to sympathize and we all started screaming at him to put her hand down and back away slowly.

It took a few minutes for us to untangle the Baron and as we tried to explain what was happening CP faked yet another seizure at us, but always with the watchful eye. She shook and spat for a few seconds until she realized she had managed to untangle herself yet again from all help at which point she jumped off and as graceful as a gazelle dashed down the bar stairs and out the door. We cheered as she was finally gone.

The party at this point rejoined Nipple3 who was hiding out with his boon companion, which was probably wise. It was decided that we should all continue drinking, however it being six in the morning we had to find an appropriately open bar. Not too difficult in Korea. We ended up a beef/soju restaurant where we did our best to order vegetarian food from the menu. They were not thrilled with this but as long as we were getting something the watiers were fairly willing. We kept up the relvry until Nipple3 was finally abandoned to his train and 20+ hour trip out of the country. He will be missed.

In the meantime Australian Chickie and I hopped a cab back to my place where the dog was very happy to see us. She went to bed with the dog, I crawled into my own warm bed and promptly passed out. It was around 9am and I was arguably damned tired.

I woke up some time around 2:50 in the afternoon with a hangover that would have made Thor feel like a busy god. I had a liter of Gatorade. And water. And coffee. And more water. Eventually the Australian joined me and found her phone where we had some interesting messages about what happened after CP left the bar.

Her nice guy friend managed to follow her down the street for a while. Until CP found herself another waygook to harass. However, being that she was clearly established CP the new guy wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Which she must have guessed at pretty fast as she reacted by biting him on the cheek and followed with dashing out onto the streets and into the early morning smog. She had yet to be heard from by the time we had crawled out of bed.*

I blame all the excitement on that unstable third nipple. It always gets people into trouble. Since Nipple3 has now officially left the country I suspect this kind of fun will not be more frequent. Since CP has not yet left the country it is hard to say. I guess we will just have to wait and see.


*She did show up intact at her apartment sometime later in the evening. Other news is not forthcoming.

3 comments:

John said...

::nods:: Yep, figured you'd keep shut about her crawling out of bed. lol. Good one again, S.

EuroYank said...

Great post. I miss you at my site. Please give me a comment on some of my new posts. Will check back here often! (home girl)

GeologyJoe said...

Pretty crazy night.
I presume that Nipple3 actually has 3 nipples?
Weird.