Monday, July 21, 2008

And then I remember

I live most of the time in South Korea and don't come home that often during the summer. Usually my breaks coincide with winter. Winter in the Midwest can be hellish, but I tend to enjoy it. Usually I have a good time, freeze my balls off, cut glass with my nipples, drink to stay warm, eat burritos like they are going out of style and then hope a plane back to Korea. Good times.

Occasionally however I have the time or inclination to come to the Midwest during the summer months. It is during this time that I am reminded why I do not like coming to the Midwest during the summer. In short, I'm allergic to it.

I'm allergic to the following:

Ragweed
Pollen
Pine Trees
Milk
Eggs
Sun
Anything green
flowers
hay
cats
dogs
mice
dust
dander
lint
things that grow
things that grow above ground
prom queens
things with more than two legs
almost all of nature
country music

I could go on, but it is probably easier to just say: I am allergic to America.

Having landed in America in that unfortunate time of year that is summer I am doing my damnedest to battle through it. I've gone to a pharmacy which here also doubles as a warehouse outlet where you can buy everything but drugs and acquired some Claritin. I've been taking two Claritin 24 a day. For the congestion and intense sinus headache I have some Afrin. For the painful splits in my lips from the constant sneezing, I have Carmex. And for the headache from all the drugs I have some Tylenol.

I am, at this point, a walking pharmacy.

It's a joy to be home in the Middle America. Fortunately I will leave this soon for the city proper where all I have to worry about is booze and cigarette smoke which, surprisingly, is better for me. If all goes well and I don't die I'll see sweet home Chicago in two days. I look forward to the lack of living things and the rise of the sweet tall buildings and free flowing anarchy.



1 comment:

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Good luck finding your way to Chicago before your head explodes from the allergies!