Thursday, December 11, 2008

Time Time Time

I hate this time. I am in that in-between space where nothing makes sense. It's probably the vertigo. For the last six months for some reason I am getting vertigo, this senseless spinning feeling. I am in the throes of passion this morning when suddenly I fall limp on the side and wait for the world to stop moving. I don't understand why the world is moving.

And they say the earth moves. But it was just my brain.

Spinning spinning spinning.

I went to the gym anyway, my head feeling like a lead weight the whole time, up down, up down. Now the spinning is a constant and everything spins.

I want to think but I can't think through the fog that is the floating of my head. I think to create, I think to dream, I think to paint, I think to write, but every movement makes me spin around and around. I watch the world move by me and I can't figure out how to make it stop spinning.

Which creates stillness. I can't work through the spinning so I am still. And being still makes me just as crazy as the constant motion. I am sea sick from static, but movement makes me nauseous.

I want to go down but the going down makes the world spin even further. I need something to do, I think, but staring at the screen and watching it flash is not helping. The sound of the sewing machine and watching the fabric it is unfocused reality. I can't make the seams solid anymore.

Maybe the vertigo is Korea.

I can't be sure. I know I want to go back to my passion and think the world will not slip away.


2 comments:

JohnC said...

Deep, and trying to figure out how this was tagged sex...unless this had to do with pre/post orgasming.

Dum de dum de dumm. :)

Saradevil said...

Mostly what as going on when my head started to spin.