Friday, January 09, 2009

It's a Singular Thing

I have only one obsession of late.

My mind is fixed on it. I think of nothing else. I wake, I eat, I sleep. I live through the banality of daily life. I wake. I drink coffee. I check news. I go to the gym. I go to lunch. I work. I go home. I work. I make dinner. I watch t.v. I drink wine. I go to bed. I wake. I drink coffee. And it goes on.

This is not a spiral it is a circle. There seems to be no ending. The blip, the kick off the wheel is the particle of the brain that is worked over by inexplicable obsession. If I get off the wheel I lose all focus and fling myself blindly towards a fire that only burns me.

In my spinning I find steady cadence, normality, existence. Outside of this is only chaos.

I want the chaos. I want the cacophony of being thrown to the ground, led, controlled, destroyed by everything that is outside of my happy little wheel. I desire delving into the well of mysterious anything. Possibility.

The attraction of chaos is the infinite possibility. To become in a singular moment anything. Nothing. All things. I want to get up to get down to get where I am going. I want to get nowhere to be everywhere.

I want it all.

I want my happy little spinning wheel of banality to return to, but maybe for a moment I want the hot thrusting spike of absolute loss of self, abandonment and the hedonistic abstract of pure freedom.

No comments: