Sunday, January 03, 2010

It's Christmas eve babe, in the drunk tank....

Actually it was a cold Christmas day after a long Christmas dinner. The Irish was hosting a Christmas party and somehow I mostly ended up catering the Christmas party; a combination of the past history of catering and not knowing most of the people at the party. The kitchen ended up being a nice safe place to hide out while doing something useful. The party was a success a combination of mulled wine, good foods, and very nice people. Overall we had a good time that was not limited to insane Christmas music and in-house karaoke.

It was decided, having consumed most of the alcohol in the house, including four bottles of homemade flavored vodka (chili, coffee, strawberry, and vanilla) we decided to take our party on the road. At first the road was the local bar that was down the street and around the corner, then somebody got the bright idea to head downtown and get the drink on for real. First to a small hotel party and then bar hopping ensued, bouncing about from the Lonely Hearts Club to the Organ Bar and finally ending up in a seedy little new dance club known as Urban. It was here that my night would mostly end.

As I recall I met some nice people on the dance floor, and several nice Korean girls who I was having a very good time dancing with. This somehow lead to me dancing with a hottie little Latina and exchanging equal parts drinks, sweat, saliva and phone numbers. While I was having a great time my friends decided now would probably be a good time to exit stage left. I turned around to discover they had gone, and tried to call to find they were heading back to the Lonely Hearts Club. I turned another way and found that the Latina I had been dancing with had also taken off so decided to head toward Lonely Hearts.

The exit to the bar is up some stairs and around a corner. I make the street and the air is cold and crisp and deadly. Several degrees had passed off while I was dancing and it was at least -10C in the winter wonderland weather. On the ground outside the bar door was a girl. The girl was wearing less then no clothing, obviously dressed for stupidity and exceeding admirably. I shake the girl and manage to get the poor bloodshot thing on her feet. She strikes me as not having been here very long; she is incoherent and freezing as I can see from the fact that she does not actually have her coat on but is trying to use it as a blanket.

"Honey, come on, let me get you to a cab."

"I want to go home."

"I know that, the cab will take you home."

"I want to go home."

"Can you tell me where you live?"

"I want to go home."

At this point I have managed to get her down the street and we are standing at a cab door. I ask her again where she lives, try to get her to tell me, but she opens the door and jumps in the cab. "Get in," she screams at me over and over. The cab driver is about to open the door and pull her out but I tell him in Korean it is okay. The girl very quickly starts to pass out in the warm car and I ask again where she lives. "No, no, no, no, no.." is all I managed to get out of her.


I realize that she is going to be unhelpful so figure the best thing I can do is drag her to the Lonely Hearts. At least she can pass out on the floor there and be warm and Hyun will keep anyone from trying to take off with her before she manages to regain her wits. The cab driver is annoyed when I change the directions, and the girl tries to stop me by yelling at the driver to go straight. I speak calmly and rationally in Korea and he decides to listen to me and makes a U-turn to take us to where we are going.

I get out at the corner and try to pull her along behind me, she finally lets go of the door I pay the cab and he drives away. Little miss crazy drunk starts going toward another cab. I ask her again where she lives but get more screaming. She opens the cab door and starts yelling at me to get in again. I tell her to just tell me what school she works at so I can at least get her toward home. I'm leaning in the cab at this point, halfway in, trying to get her to talk to me, she keeps shouting no. Finally I realize that the crazy drunk is not going to let me be helpful, and indeed is only making me a bit more crazy, however before I can take action I have a foot in my stomach and find myself on the ground, the cab speeding off as the door slams.


I fall on my finger in a way that it is sprained, I drag myself off the street feeling foolish and head to the Lonely Hearts Club to console myself with a tequila before going home.

Merry merry holidays and happy new year...

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