Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Someone Needs a Spanking

I decided about a month ago that my life had become all work and no play. I do realize that anyone who reads this thing on a regular will be quite tempted to call bullshit, but the reality is that my shenanigans were taking up less and less of my time, most especially in March. To combat this, I decided to take Quatermain up on his invitation to check out the local quiz night. I went the first time by my lonesome, on a night when I drank, I blogged, I lost my computer, I cried, and I went to sleep. All in all, it was a good time. 

The next time I called up the Irish and had him meet me there. Originally we only intended to have dinner, but then when told that the quiz included a number of comic-book questions, we decided we would play. Considering that it was a team of two (a maximum of five were allowed per team), we did not do that badly, coming in tied for fourth. As a team of two we chose the rather amusing William Moulton Marston Appreciation Society. 

After that, I had a ridiculous weekend, and asked the Irish if he might not want to do it again. This time he agreed and we met, once again, at the local spot that hosted the quiz. This time we were joined by Polka Dots (of Never Have I Ever fame) and were later joined by the Author, whose book once made me miss a train. At the beginning of the game it was just Polka Dots, myself and the Irish and we had to hash out a quick team name. 

"I liked our team name last week," said the Irish. 

"What was that?" asked Polka Dots. He explained and this was quickly rejected. 

"We need something interesting," I piped in. 

"How about The Crimson Tide? The..." This went on into a long string of names I have forgotten and rejected. 

"Someone Needs a Spanking," I finally said to Polka Dots. 

"Oi, that's perfect," she said as she began writing it down, and thus our team was named and ready to play. 

It happened that this particular night Quatermain was calling the quiz. As he read out the names of the variety of quiz teams we sat, amused with ourselves and patiently listened. 

"The Daegoonsquad. The Lesbros." There was a slight pause and it was clear Quatermain had gotten to us. 

"Someone Needs a Spanking...yes they do," he added quietly, which caused riotous fits of laughter between me and Polka Dots, smiles from the Irish, and a polite wink from the stage intended just for us gigglers.

Considering the rag-tag group we had put together we did not do half bad, coming in at third place that night. We won a pitcher of beer, which was appreciated and drunk, and the Irish and I bailed fairly fast as we were tired and wanted desperately to sleep.

I sent out messages next week to everyoneincluding the Author, who had arrived late.

"Let's meet there at 7:30 to get dinner." And so we did. Someone Needs a Spanking continued with the original lineup and we were joined by the Apprentice, who was in town, and the Geisha, the Irish's pretty and polite blue-eyed girlfriend. The Geisha sat out (as our team could only have five) and we launched into yet another quiz. 

The team of the five of us worked very well together, and at the end of the second round we knew the game was ours to loose. We entered into the third round, and managed to stay in our lead, and to our great surprise, won. We split our winnings five ways, with me buying drinks for the announcers, and then agreed to do it one more time. 

Which is where we were last night when we all met up in the bar. The original team: just the Irish, myself, Polka Dots, and the Author. 

"Well, we are the returning champions," said the Author. 

"I'd rather just play for fun. Or have a nap." Said the Irish and he put his head down. 

We ordered some dinner, and got our meals in, got our score sheets, sent up our name and then buckled down for the three rounds. The round categories were: Things with Q, Two Actors, One Film, and Nicknames. 

Q we swept pretty easily, being fairly up on all our Q things we needed to know. At the end of the round we were coming in with the lead and feeling very good about ourselves. Between the Q round and the Actors round there was a beer competition asking us to submit a superhero.

"How about Telepathy Man? He can see ten minutes into the future in Djibouti."

"What?" I asked. The Author was smiling, mighty pleased with himself. 

"In Djibouti. He can only see things ten minutes into the future in that one location in Africa."

"That's pretty obscure." 

We wrote it down on a napkin and sent it up. We at least got a giggle out of it. However we were beaten out by a variety of Kimchi Man.  During the actors round we managed to hold up well, with me failing to know which movie Gary Oldman and Benedict Cumberbatch were in together. And considering that I saw the damn film (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) I should have known, but somehow it escaped me. We came out of the end of the round in second place and were feeling not quite so good about ourselves. 

Then we had beer challenge number two. The Limbo Contest. 

"Who can limbo?" Polka Dots asked. The Irish put his head back down for another nap, and the Author and Polka Dots had a quick limbo test. 

"I got this," said the Author. 

And got it he did. He limboed like some kind of limbo-god from limbo-mythology, taking that limbo to the floor and asking for more, and out-limboing a pretty limber limbo girl who was trying hard to win a pitcher of beer. 

"And that is the picture of him winning," Polka Dots came back and handed me my camera. All that limbo goodness, caught in action. 



This left us with a pitcher of beer, a point behind in the game and one round to go. 

Sadly, the nickname round started out with rappers. We were seriously worried as none of us had that. However it quickly moved into authors, pen names, and secret names, like Don Diego de La Vera, and we had that. The Lesbros (the team that was beating us out by one point) seemed pretty confident sitting just in front of us. At the end of the round we were pretty sure we were going to wash out. 

We waited for the answers and the roll call. As they rolled the answers we were feeling pretty good, but we could also see that the Lesbros were feeling pretty confident too. They started to roll the team names and we waited, expecting to see ourselves at the bottom of the list. 

And when we didn't come in fifth the excitement built. 

We made it to the top three. 

In fact, the top two. 

In fact, we beat out the Lesbros by about four points to sweep the game and maintain our title two weeks in a row, pulling down a handy sum of 170,000 won for our trouble. It amused. As I thought about it, being on a Bar Pub Quiz team was a lot like being on the Academic Bowl team, but with more alcohol and sex.

"Well, for our last dance, that is a good way to go out." A sentiment we all agreed with. With me out of the country soon, and Author headed back to the states, Someone Needs a Spanking would exist no longer. 

"I'm going to need a new name for my team. Like maybe Little Spanky, or the Spankers Revenge or something," Polka Dots mused. 

I'll be back. And I'll drag the Irish with me, and we shall create a new team. The Spankers shall rise again. 


Someone Needs a Spanking

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