Thursday, June 01, 2017

Sunshine

The weekend went much as intended, and yet, in reflection, I'm hard pressed to find the adventure in it. Perhaps the greatest and most pleasant part about the weekend was that there was not a sense of fixed or forced adventure. The weekend went as intended, I spent much of it wine drunk and wrapped around Hellion. 


I bought a pair of horns. 

I watched the leather parade. 

I collected around 1000 condoms for free. 

I laughed with friends. 

I enjoyed my dogs. 

I enjoyed the sunshine. 

All outward appearances are a happy mask, satisfied, elated, really. 

Underneath there is burning turmoil of a thousand unasked questions. Gnawing doubt and questions about myself, my instincts, my beliefs. 

Trying to find the meaning in the things that don't actually have any meaning. 

It's a sunny day though. 

Summer has started. 

I got a pair of Docs with roses. 

I got a bunch of dental work done. 

I got bracelet that says don't touch me. 

I got a phone call from my lover. 

I got a schedule for my next adventure. 

I got an idea for something to engage me, for something to keep me going. 

I got rejected. 

I got accepted. 

I got to get on going. 

Birds started chirping at 3 a.m. and I watched for three hours as the sky turned from black to pale yellow and finally the sun rises over the lake, chasing away the few pleasant dreams I have. Running around in my head with those I believed to be lovers, those I want to be friends. There are smiles in there somewhere. My dreams were sunny and melted easily into the light of dawn. Now is the time for nouns and active verbs and moving away from passivity. 

At least, for this I have something. 

I have something.

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